Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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