I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
