im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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