Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
