i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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