Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
