apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
