just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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