His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
