good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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