lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
