At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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