You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
