My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
