Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I AM VODKA MAN
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
