Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Randomize
