I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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