I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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