It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
you win again, gameday.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
