Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
