god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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