I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
