I'm sorry my penis didn't work
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
