I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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