Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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