im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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