turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Please don't give away my fajitas
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
