i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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