Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
