From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
