i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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