I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
