Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
