I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
