Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
