Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
