Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
