That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
