A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
