I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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