Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
