I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
