you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
