I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
