mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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