Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
