he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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