You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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