so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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