Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
