This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
