i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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